There Are Two (Lying) Sides to Every Story

It’s funny to me when two people are arguing about something and a third person is the intermediary (whether they want to be or not.) Why is this funny? Well, I’m sure we’ve all heard that there are two sides to every story. I have no doubt about...

Traffic Woes 2 (Come at Me, Bro!)

Blogging sites, and the Internet in particular are funny places. They are funny places full of funny people; people who think anyone gives a flying fuck about their shit poetry; people who are rather bad ass and hardcore as fuck while being miles and...

Things to Know About the Internet

1. There are no girls on the Internet. * OK, sometimes there actually are, but for the most part it's men pretending to be girls. 2. Little girls are FBI agents. You'd think people would watch enough Dateline to know that the 13-year-old girl...

"World's Toughest Job" My Dick

I am trying not to say “I hate” so much these days. Hate should only be reserved for very special occasions and certain people should be given your undivided, individual, scathing hatred; people like Dane Cook, Nancy Grace, Bill O’Reilly, Al Sharpton,...

Maybe the Internet Isn't For You

Did I miss the meeting that everyone with an Internet connection held awhile back where they all decided you have to be emotionally damaged or completely god-damn broken in order to use the internet? Everywhere I look there are people posting shit...

Der Titel ist Deutsch, Fotze!

Last month I went to the bar to watch my friend’s band play. It was only their second show, but they are all such talented musicians and it shows. They are not just your run of the mill, bar band/cover band. They don’t just do the typical southern...

2015 Biggest Douche in the Universe Award

Although I hate the word "trending" and pretty much anything that came from Twitter, I do like looking over to see what's "trending" on Facebook. Some of those stories are pretty decent, other times they're a complete waste of time and brain space....

"You didn't smile at my kid! You monster!"

What is it with parents these days? I’m not a parent, but I feel that I am more than qualified to judge those who are. Kind of like people who judge those who collect money from the government by assuming all of them are just too lazy to work. See?...

Traffic Woes

We've all been behind that asshole in traffic. The one who is the first at the light, but the last one to see it go from red to green. Today I was that asshole. I knew this particular light usually took quite awhile to change from red to green. I...

Not Everyone is a Hero

I think the word “hero” gets tossed around too much these days. There’s this kid that I know, we went to high school together. I didn’t like him in high school and the few times I’ve encountered him since we’ve been out of high school my mind hasn’t...

Dating Online

Dates and dating have never been my thing. I tried them. I even went so far as to make profiles on dating sites. I did what everyone does and used a picture of myself from years ago when I looked younger and sexier. I made myself out to be someone I'm...

People Are Bastard-Coated Bastards with Bastard Filling

I got a text message from Sunshine this evening concerning the apparent death of a member of Thoughts. My first reaction was "Well damn." That was pretty much it. Sorry it wasn't anything grand or spectacular; it wasn't some great gesture of mourning...

What People Say vs Truth on the Internet

"I'm a guy." - I'm a guy. "I'm a girl." - I'm a guy. "I'm bi, but I'm here to talk to girls only." - I'm a guy. "I'm 5'5" with blonde hair, blue eyes, and 34D breasts." - I'm a guy/an ugly chick. "I'm 13." - I'm a cop. "I don't have a...

Fun With Telemarketers

I got a call from Charter the other night. They’ve been trying to call me for months now, but 1. I don’t answer the phone for numbers I don’t know, 2. I get shitty service out here in the sticks, and 3. I don’t like talking on the phone. I...